There’s a funny thing about life that I’ve learnt in my 54 years. Our lives are formed by our choices. Hard choices, easy choices, the choice to not choose at all and just let yourself go with the flow.
Why is it funny?
Because we choose to NOT do things that we know are good for us.
Like prioritising our health and wellbeing, learning something that fascinates us, doing something hard but meaningful or rest when we need to. (That’s a really tough one for me, I have the Must Be Busy gene!)
So, what are you choosing NOT to do today?
Are you choosing:
- To NOT teach your household to do things for themselves.
- To NOT declutter the spaces that are important to YOU first.
- To NOT dedicate time and energy to things that make YOU happy.
Are you choosing to NOT:
- Intentionally choose things that help you live YOUR best life, right now.
- Get the help YOU need, to create a home and a life that serves you, right now.
- Prioritise time to make small (and big) changes that improve YOUR quality of life.
So many of my clients put everyone before themselves, and another funny thing, they often don’t realise it. It can be quite subtle.
They allow themselves to be taken for granted. They allow disrespectful behaviours. They give up when faced with resistance against changes they want to make in their own home.
Note – A little context here. I’m not talking about abusive homes, I’m talking about households with a great mum/carer/keeper-of-the-house who is well and safe, but is simply not happy in their home.
Often it’s down to the good old chestnut – communication. How many books and blogs and articles and movies and kids TV shows remind us about healthy interpersonal communication? They’re uncountable!
Get Some Attitude!
Even more than communication, I’ve found that creating change is often down to your attitude or mindset. YOUR mindset – The person who wants change, not the mindset of the people around you.
A change in your mindset changes your behaviour, in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. Changes in your behaviour can also change your communication style. And I’m not just talking about the words you use, it’s also in your tone of voice, your body language, your persistence, your choice of where you direct your energy.
People (kids, partners, parents, colleagues) notice these things. Sometimes they don’t like it and sometimes they do. Sometimes it’s a subconscious awareness which changes their behaviour too.
Interestingly, subtle adjustments in our behaviour can have an impact equal to (sometimes even greater than) enforced changes or requests to change. Together they’re very powerful.
The New Normal.
Even more powerful is consistency. Persistently sending the same message through your behaviour and language and expectations of others behaviours makes it the new normal.
Managing behaviours and expectations in your household so EVERYONE is happier is the path to less friction. Compromise is crucial, managing people requires an understanding of temperament, habits and abilities, just like the workplace. Your household is a team, even if it doesn’t feel like it sometimes.
It’s important to adapt and try different things to achieve the change that you want to see – it’s the goal that’s important.
Expectations can have a positive or negative effect. They can be ingrained and subconscious, or environmental – repeated exposure to certain behaviours makes people expect that they will continue forever.
Like mum or dad, always picking up after the kids. What expectations will the kids have if that’s their normal?
Allowing negative expectations to continue unchallenged will not help you reach your goal. I’m talking about the expectations of your partner, your kids, everyone. And YOUR expectations too. It’s very important to think carefully about the impact of your own expectations of the members of your household. Are your expectations helping your household to work together or causing conflict?
What Is Your Goal?
I want you to be happier in your home (and your life in general). YOU want to be happier.
You might want more time, less family friction, more freedom to choose what you would like to do with your life and less time managing your home.
Taking time to teach your household to be independent means you will make more time for you to do the things YOU want to do. NOT more time to do the things you HAVE to do. Want to do.
It might seem more complicated and time consuming compared to doing it yourself but it’s worth it, and the younger they start the better.
Cultivating respect in the members of your household for the interests and needs of everyone will have amazing consequences.
Especially their respect for you.
It’s worth taking the time to work on making your family home really, truly serve your needs and your household’s.
The results of small tweaks in behaviours and habits are exponential. They have a snowball effect, a positive effect on the low grade stress you feel when working and living in a home that’s difficult to manage or filled with clutter.
Liz.
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